I Still Hate Fire Ants

It got worse today. Sheesh. I took Benadryl last night, and today I put some Benadryl spray AND Neosporin, and it still looks so bad.. the redness actually spread.

I Hate Fire Ants

About two inches in diameter and raised about 1/3 of an inch. Fire ants stink. Enough said.

Trust

During the past couple of years, I have come to realize that two of my biggest shortcomings are 1) I'm way too impatient, and 2) I often say things I should not say out loud (as I mentioned in my previous entry). I've been thinking that God is giving me an amazing opportunity to develop my patience.

I never thought it would be as cliche as it's depicted in movies and TV, but when the "I want to be a mom" bug hits a woman, it is ON. It's been in me for about a year now; that's why Sam and I got off the contraceptive pill and began using Natural Family Planning, to get my body off synthetic hormones and eventually begin the family process. Through the use of the Creighton model's charts and an evaluation of my family history, we have learned that I may have some problems. Nothing has been diagnosed, but there is a chance that I may either have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) or Endometriosis. I need to get some testing and procedures done to be officially diagnosed and hopefully treated successfully. I have been very much dreading all of this. Sometimes I have even thought, "why not try to have a baby first and see what happens?". I've been willing to do this, even though there is a somewhat extensive history of miscarriages in my family.

Today when I came home I found a baby bird dead right in front of our door. Another baby was lying on the concrete, barely moving. We have a nest very close to our front door; the mom and dad birds had babies about a week ago. We think that maybe the runt died and the parents tried to get the body off the nest, and in the process the second baby fell off. We were able to get the alive baby back in the nest; hopefully the parents will nurse it back to health.

It sounds so silly, but I was so affected by the scene I saw when I first got home. We'd seen the parent birds work hard on the nest and have another brood previously, even got to see them teach the first set of babies how to fly. When we noticed that mom and dad were about to have a second brood we actually got excited: we've become attached to this little bird family.

Seeing the dead baby bird made me really sad. All of a sudden I thought, "if I'm getting so sad by the death of a baby bird, what would it be like if I was pregnant, and I lost the baby?". I have absolutely no idea what that would be like; it scares me to think that it could happen. So I'm opening myself up to the idea of those procedures... and testing. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if the scenario above happened. I have talked about it with my aunt Ana from Mexico (who's a doctor), and she said the procedures sound like a good idea. This means waiting possibly up to a year before we can try to have a baby. It's so painful to think about this..! We've been married for two and a half wonderful years, and the eagerness to become a mom has been so powerful for a while now.

But... God guides our every step, and HE has us exactly where we need to be. His Plan is way above and beyond our understanding, and trust is just about all we need to feel peace. This is what I'm praying for now: trust and peace in us.

Amazing Fourth

This past weekend has been amazing. We got to spend some quality time with Sam's sister Amanda, her boyfriend Tim and his family, and Sam's parents; and got to learn a bit about hockey. I have to admit it was funner than I'd expected it to be, and it doesn't hurt that Tim's good at hockey, too..! Then last night we drove a couple of minutes to a nearby parking lot to watch fireworks and went to bed late watching a TV show.

We're now gearing up for Sam's Birthday and it's all very exciting. Today was a particularly calm day; I decided to spoil him some and try out a new kind of chicken (Baked Parmesan Chicken, which was AMAZING), then baked some brownies for him in the afternoon and tonight I'll be baking his all-time favorite cake: butterscotch cake with butterscotch frosting :D The living room painting is almost done so it feels quite homey here! Somehow the dark color (Sherwin Williams' Aurora Brown, SW2837) manages to still welcome and work well with natural sunlight coming in through the windows; it's AWESOME to spend a lazy day here :)

We are so very blessed, so very fortunate to have what we have but above all, to have each other.

(Peace = God) > Casting the First Stone

A few nights ago I dreamed that he let me talk to the girls again. Ever since the whole thing happened, the entire set of events that began unfolding during our trip to Venezuela keeps coming back to me. And it makes me cry every once in a while because as a family we all have failed. For some reason I suddenly thought, "Jesus died on the cross to save us, to give us eternal life. And this is how we repay him: by having egos too big to forgive and move on." Jesus lowered himself to the lowest level possible in front of sinners' eyes, yet humankind goes on in its merry way ignoring our Savior's sacrifice.

Right after the whole argument happened, I spent a good bit of time wondering how anyone could become so enraged and banish family from contacting each other, for no valid reason. After a few days, several seemingly unrelated events made me realize that one of my biggest flaws is speaking impulsively without thinking things through. Now, I'm not one to sit down and take it from someone who's being unfair: I just don't like being a pushover. But I also tend to let my emotions drive too many things out of my mind, when they should stay in. Like Mimi always says, "the best word is the one that's left unsaid". You may not agree with the way someone else is doing something, but every once in a while it's best to keep your opinions to yourself.

After tortuously dissecting what led to this family fallout, I became to realize that my inability to leave an argument at the right time led this mess to happen. A part of me still firmly believes that I was right in telling him off. After all, he was insulting my mother. But I should've left it at, "please don't include me in this mess, I'm not a part of it". I shouldn't have written that email.

I'm now praying that God help me be an instrument of peace. My tongue can be a fierce ally, and sometimes an unwitting foe. This is not what God wants of me. I also pray for him. We are no different from each other: we're both sinners and should not be so willing and eager to throw the first rock at the other.

In her last blog post Amanda mentioned being grateful to God for giving her trials that in the process make her closer to Him; this is exactly what I've been thinking, too. I'd rather live a life full of difficult trials which draw me closer to our Father, than an easy life where everything's handed off to me.

I love this song, "Make Me a Channel of Your Peace":

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me bring your love.
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in you.

Chorus:
Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Chorus

Make me a channel of your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal
life.

Chorus

Hey! Those are MY roses!

I think I've mentioned before that I've taken a liking for our knockout roses lately, because they're low-maintenance, grow like crazy and are pretty hardy. Considering everything I've been going through to get rid of the mealy bugs on my other plants, I've come to REALLY appreciate the knockout roses, especially when they're in full bloom!

WELL..! This afternoon after I came back from work, Sam and I went to our little side garden, only to see... that one of my knockout rose bushes had every single leaf full of little holes! We got closer to take a careful look, and saw these awful-looking and -moving bugs:

See the knockout rose bush cemetery on the second image??? The madness!!

Sam did a little research and found out they're some kind of caterpillars, some very hungry caterpillars (and as you can see in the pic, NOT as cute as the star of the "Very Hungry Caterpillar" book by Mr. Eric Carle). Gah! So we had to start cutting all the bushes and spray pesticide to kill these things.

Mimi told me not long ago that there's an old saying (I guess in Venezuela, not sure) that goes, "Plants and gardens can kill you", because in order to keep up a garden looking pretty, you have to do the work and keep a constant eye on them to prevent disease from spreading. SO true! But worth it.. :)

P.S.: Mimi loves plants and still has a lot in her terraces, so she's fully aware of how much work it takes to keep plants looking pretty and healthy :)

Maracaibo, Mi Tierra

Last night we got back from Venezuela; we spent a little over a week in my hometown Maracaibo and I must say, I feel renewed! I feel just a little more alive :) I needed to be back so badly. I'm sure it sounds silly, but I was feeling like I was losing my identity a little, I was thirsty for the unforgiving heat, the sounds of the car horns as the drivers made their way through the city, the hustle and bustle, the people. There is so much passion in Maracaibo. I absolutely loved every minute of it :)

Thankfully Sam enjoyed it quite a bit as well; he got to try nearly every type of traditional foods we have, and also got to visit the majority of our landmarks we "Maracuchos" are so proud of. I was a little afraid because he would surely stand out quite a bit, what with his red hair and white skin. And we were in a 3+ million-people city after all, so you've got to be careful and watch your surroundings at all times. But we really never felt threatened by anything, we actually got to enjoy every sighting 100 percent :) Mi Maracaibo, mi gente!

Most of all, I deeply enjoyed spending time with Mimi and Papito. The first night in their apartment was just a little sad though: their home is full of photos of Diana everywhere; I could genuinely feel Mimi's sadness and loneliness all around. There are also a lot more photos and small statues of Mary, Jesus and saints than I remembered. It was just another piece of evidence of how much Mimi has had to hold on to her faith to make it through life without Diana.

Mimi was so wonderful; that first night, she was so eager to show us the "honeymoon suite", as she called the room she had diligently worked on making nice for us. Prior to our arrival, she'd changed the sheets of the beds, washed the curtains, dusted the furniture, and had the carpet professionally cleaned. I truly feel her and Papito's spirits were lifted with our visit. I'm committed to go back and visit soon; nothing compares to making them happy. Their love, there's nothing like it...

Papito one day told us, "Let me do that for you; I feel bad that you're doing it because we should be treating you like kings, you're the guests!" He'd bought a bunch of ice cream cakes and other goodies so we'd get to try them all; he also showed up several mornings with empanadas and tequenos (he loves to spoil his kids ;) ) I can't help but tear up when I think of how happy our visit made them. It hurts that they're so far away. It makes me feel better that Sam enjoyed the visit so much, that he's told me he'd be more than happy to go back either for Christmas or early next year to be with them again. My husband's so wonderful! :)

This vacation was absolutely amazing; I'm truly grateful to Mimi and Papito for making us feel like we were at home. Thank GOODNESS for Vonage: now that we've been there and shared so much with them, I know I'll feel like listening to their voices a lot more often than before :)

(Oh yeah.. Translation for the title: Maracaibo, My Land :) )