Strange title, huh? Well, I am indeed hoping that my down mood from the past few days is PMS, which means that a) the tea has again helped me have a period, and b) the weepiness will go away soon.
How cruel can infertility be. Because of unstable hormone levels, I every so often experience symptoms which typically present themselves during pregnancy: elevated libido, food cravings/habits, deep nausea, weight gain, body temperature changes. And as hard as I try to not think about it much, every time I experience these symptoms I wonder if the miracle we have been hoping for has happened. The past few days have been chock-full of these symptoms. Often, as I (foolishly?) let pregnancy hopes creep into my mind, thoughts like the following (which I wrote today, while at work) inundate me:
"Are you there...? Or am I imagining, wishing that you CAN be there...? The Holy hand of our Father can create you, and I could feel you there... What if this is not His will? Will you remain a lost dream forever...? Whether you ever come to exist or not, I love you, so much. A few nights ago I even dreamed about you; I held you in my arms, and I felt such a powerful maternal instinct that I still felt it when I woke up...I so wish that I could hold you..."
*sigh*, very much hoping I go back to happy soon....
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